Monday, September 26, 2011

When I feel nothing is working...

This situation has been quite usual in my recent life. I had to encounter this situation ever since I started working on the screenplay for my first feature after finishing my college. Alone, inside a least ventilated room in my house, I feel that climate plays a vital role in this condition of mine...

The Condition...
This is a situation which everyone around us feels when we actually keep a lot of time for ourselves. I am writing this post while I am in such a situation. So if on the way if you feel that my words are far too deviating, it is just an output of the condition I am going through right now. Evening I was watching a recent Tamil movie. While I was watching it I decided that I would keep some time before I sleep to tweak my script. When I opened the script and started looking into it I felt that this is what I actually want to do at this moment. Today somebody asked other person in front of me 'What your Aim is?'. When that question was asked to a person in front of me, my conscience was questioning me about that. I raised the same question to me. Thus I found out a solid answer. I want to get an Oscar, be the best film director in this world. Thus in this condition I could easily judge that it was not because my career thoughts were taking a back seat. I feel that it is just the matter of laziness that creeps into my mind every now and then (If I explain it numerically, it would be 70%).
While I am in this situation I do feel that the things around me are very slow and I do get to understand the things in detail. I get to see the usual things around me from a different perspective which is also mine and I cannot invoke automatically.
I drink a lot of water and during this situation, i do feel that my thirst triples. It might be because of the smell of sweat which is tinging my nostrils at this moment when I am typing down these words. I am burning a lot within myself.
Even at this moment when I cant work properly I feel that I want to make a good movie. I do get a positive urge that something which none has achieved in the field of film-making is waiting for me. I would achieve it someday and look at the world with a smile of satisfaction. I do want to know what the world will draw itself in front of me in that situation.

The condition is now changing. I feel an urge to read and many books are nudging me from my table. They are calling me towards them. So good night readers, I am leaving. I would say something interesting about some other feeling I usually have when I write next.

Sivaram Mony

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