Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Envy - |ˈenvē| [ noun ( pl. -vies) ]

\\ a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck : she felt a twinge of envy for the people on board.• ( the envy of) person or thing that inspires such a feeling their national health service is the envy of many in Europe.
The Feeling...In my last post I said that I would write about another feeling which I usually have. It is none other than envy. I do not  want to know whether the other film-makers seldom say they are envious. But I would say that I was and am envious. This is the feeling which has helped me to put some mark to compete with myself.While in schooling when I was in high school, I used to look up to my seniors who were in the school council. I used to envy their freedom. I used to look at the way the girls and boys used to mingle in school. I used to envy the guys who become heroes in front of other girls due to their athletic skills. In 2008 when I crossed the senior secondary hurdle, I found out that I had gone far forward that what these seniors of mine had achieved.College was another place where I found my thoughts flourish, my skills sharpen. I envied the passion my college mates gave to the field they were studying. I wondered ever if I could make a movie like the seniors whom I met while I was in my hometown as a student film maker. I envied a script written by a friend of mine during his final college year. The feeling of envy crapped into my mind for the story which he had written, while he was explaining it to me sitting in our hostel balcony at college hostel. God had put a funny start for my career. I got the same script when I asked it to him when he finished the college. The movie marked a good impression among everyone. I even envied other big movies made by my seniors. When I finished the college I had made the biggest budgeted movie, became the best student and so on. The college was like the sunlight falling on loose concrete, fixing it.
Now, at this moment when I am writing this script at my home. I feel that, I am envious. I am envious to the film makers out there. I am envious of the characters they create. I feel the same envy each time I walk into a movie theatre and make myself comfortable in my seat. I envy the industry out there. Let me see where this envy can lead me to.
Love,Sivaram Mony

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