//Shed tears, esp. as an expression of distress or pain
That is a feeling that many people have written about. I never felt that I will write something about this feeling unless today.
Its not that I have never cried but it was that I had a different feeling today.
It had been a long day. I even finished a lagging melancholic novel. The day was so long that I went out hoping for a walk. Walk was towards the small restaurant from where I had been having food for past many days. The same road I pass by everyday seemed so detached to me today. I could hear other people talk, vehicles honk & Street men yell. I was not participating in anything. Even while having my food at the restaurant I felt detached to the surroundings. They waiters were slow as usual but today I didn’t feel angry today. I finished my food and stepped out at the street, started walking back home (room). The girls were far more beautiful today. It is tough to see a beautiful girl in this city. I did not feel anything when I looked at them or when I saw they looking at me. I saw a beggar begging out loud to a lady across the road to give some money. I just crossed through his front but he never stole a glance on me. Did I look so horrible now? Or the emotion, which was haunting me, was so visible on my face? I walked past the park. Did not feel like getting inside it today also. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone even. Everything seemed to be like a zigzag in a carnival, running unevenly but in a sequence of course. I was the aimless bullet here. When I crossed a school a lady came to me and asked for an address. Suddenly I don’t know what went through me. I swallowed the feeling which was beneath my skin. I acted cool. I just gave her the direction.
I feel that the feeling of crying can be just really felt when you can’t really cry. I had this thing all through in my mind but not a drop of tear came to my eyes. Actually ‘cry’ is a ‘dry’ feeling.